I think sometimes you forget where the heart is..

blah...

2005-04-18T04:18:12Z

He wants to be good/best frineds...but i dont know if he is a good frined..i dont know if he can be one..i ahvenever been his friend..i hope he meets my standards of what a good frined is to me... hope he doens tlet me down and only calls when he is available or when he can..i hope it is not like that..i hope we can hang out just uswith out awkward ness i hope he can call me to hang out wiht others i hope ican do the same..i just hope i dont lose more formthe break up then i have gained from our relationship..cuz so far..i feel like erything gets worse and worse...but i guess its my time to jsut be sad..u gatta be sad..u cant ahve people cheer u up..sometimes when ur sad u agtta cry..u cant hold it in..makes it worse..makes u cry more later...so im sad..i iwll be sad til i find a way to be happy..but i wnna be his friend..i have cried more knowing i wont be his frined then knowing i wont be his girlfriend..i dunno i guess his friendship means the world to me..he knows me beter then anyone we connect better the nanyone...and no onw knows him better then me...but i hope im not disapointed wiht this frined ship... all i have to say is...wuoh ie ne!

....

2005-04-16T07:39:26Z

i dont know how to feel...i cry when i hang out wiht him..i die when i talk to him ...i have shed to many tears i feel to much pain to be his friend...sometimes what u have to give up is better for yourself...im giving up the best thing i have ever had..i cant feel this pain anymore...i cant cry around him anymore...i cant be me around him..im someone else...i need to stop the best frindship of my life to sucseed my happiness...when im ready i will come back to him..when he is ready he wil lcome back to me...a year of my life is remembered. it was beyond any great feelings, any great time any greater ANYTHING! nothing will EVER compare to him or what he has given me..or what i have given him...he was my everything...he was me...but losing the greatst thing to u is not easy...giving it up completely will be the hardest thing i will ever have to conquer...i need to end this..its whats best for me...he may relize what he is really losing from this..i may relize this is the stupidest mistake of my life..but rihgt now..i think its the best thing for me..i may not want to do this..i may cry myself to sleep knowing im doing it...but in the end my pain and my AMAZING love for him will be gone..i will always love him more than anything tho. He was my best friend he was my..everything...but its like i have the feeling that this is SOOOOOO NOT right..but then again its like what else can i do..i dont wanna cry anymore...i dont want to hurt anymore...love makes u do strang things...im sorry ducky..i will love you and miss you..but it feels like the end..but it cant be...C+T BMW!! i love you!

long time no talk

2005-04-13T01:08:45Z

I know no one will probably read this but im going threw a very hard time right now..jay and i broke up after 4 MONTHS..he now says he doesnt want a commitment..whatever...i guess ome people will enver know whatthey want..you may think tyour happy and nothing will change but it will...love is a rare thing and when u find it u will hold on to it..i know i tryed and i tryed even when we broke up..but im not lying to myself anymore..i know its over..i dont know for good i know dont really know anything, all i know is that i wil try to be his frined..friends is good right?? well i know he loved me i know he probably still does but what can u do if someone doesnt have as strong enough feelings for u...you may think love last forever..but it can stop at anytime. He thinks this is for the best..then im going to make the best of the situation that i can..even if it means not staying good frineds..i want to get over him..i have to do whatever it takes to be happy cuz right now im not...this might be the biggest mistake of his life or it may not be..but i cant change the way he feels i cant convince him this is stupid..he doesnt want me then so be it..but in the end true love will fix this all...love is more powerful then anything..it can change a life or ruin a life...love is an amazing and strong emotion, be careful how u use it....so long...
-ash-

hmm

2004-11-22T05:51:44Z

ok that was gay i wrote an entry then it got erased..wtf? but whatever here i go again..today was okay. i was supposed to go to six flags but our family friend threw out his back nad he couldnt walk..it sucked!..but instead i went to IHOP with my family. then they left then alex came over and colored stars jay gave me and we ate marshmellows and my brother made us dinner..then we painted our nails pretty pink with gilter. then i took a shower and now im here..YAY!!!..so polo started i made the big V dog! yeah! haha...peace

-ash-

...

2004-11-14T19:47:57Z

we will all lose people we love
and we will all have regrets
but regrets cant fix the past
and certianly wont help the future

...think...

2004-11-12T18:07:38Z

we al make decisions in ourlives
some good some bad
but if u made a bad one
dont try and go fix it
just live ur life day by day
and if u made a good decsision
make sure it really was the right choice..

hi

2004-11-08T05:40:46Z

uhh im bored..i did absolutly nothing (i cant spell) today..i had the most unproductive day of my life..it was was good ake up at 12 then only get out of my computer chair to eat or pee...YAY!!!

im done....

<*ash*>

....

2004-11-01T09:11:21Z

i have had a long and stress full weekend.
to much went on
and to much information was givin to me.
imade some mistakes, and lied to many good friends,
but rihgt now i really need u all,
and i hope you can forgive me.
trust is hard to regain.
but please,
i only want rtust back form u....

HC WAS WAY FUUUUUUUUUN

2004-10-24T20:32:36Z

homecoming was a blast.. except our limo didnt come to pick us up from jericas then the parnets drove us to dinner then our limo comes with a 14 seater and there was 16 of us..the limo place couldnt do naything right..oo well..still fuin..the dance was cool...dinner was soo expensive..but i just got a 5 dollar salad..lol..i see high prices it makes me not want to eat it anymore..and i dont like chicken or sea food or steak..so i was screwed..but over all great time!!! Jeremy was way cute..lol..i love that guy..lol...alana brought digi so ther are some awesome pictures..and everyone else i think had a good time..the only thing i would change would be he limo..that was gay..hehe..we went to jericas at like 12 then watched mean girls and all the girls spent the night at jericas, and the guys left about 2-2:15..it was fun..!!

<* ash *>

hey

2004-10-18T05:17:31Z

hmm...u rock..crazy weekend!
enough said!

<* ash *>

grrsaidthelion @ 2004-10-10T13:23:00

2004-10-10T20:27:57Z

HEEYY!! see erinn i didnt lewave..i was just stating that everyone is going to myspace!! and yeah..i am getting tolazy to post..BUT i want a adigitalcamera for my 16th birthday!! i have been hinting it for a very long time!!!!!!! aight peaceoohh yeah i got my team dinner tongith..yes!!! steph my lion has grr'd again!!!

<* ash *>
p.s. i got the new Good Charlotte cd!!!!!

BYE!

2004-09-30T23:35:14Z

this is farwell, the end of my time, just to let u know, the worst is over!! MEH to lazy to have a live journal anymore!!! my spcae is the new live journal!!!!

yeah!

2004-09-27T06:24:13Z

lol..funny night!! i love these nights!

hmm

2004-09-27T00:06:42Z

well i had a horrible night last night. And because of it i was not able to go to my polo tournmant..but i really dont care if wham doesnt understand y then thats fucked up whatever. i dont need to tell him y its my buisness. but whatever..i just AHH..am in a shitty mood...mymom made me fel like shit..but me yellingat her back dint help..w/e..AHH i made a mistake get over it!!!..people are dumb.. fuck it!

hmm

2004-09-22T04:49:57Z

lifes confuessing and gay..and im crushed..but i hope dylan comes and saves me!!! i love u dylan!!

ok

2004-09-20T03:40:47Z

You may make decisions that could effect the rest of your life, but you have to think about what you will gain from this, not what you will lose. And by doing this you will come out on top with everything.

-that was my quote of the day-

...

2004-09-19T03:48:55Z

the cow is a very interesting animal....

1

yeah..

2004-09-18T17:39:59Z

well once again I should of not said anything, to someone (jeremy i will tell you later) because it makes people so alot of thinking. and i had a bad dream. and i hink when u have a bad dream u cant stop thinking bout it and u have a bad day. eek!! Atleast i have no school..and i guess alex are friends now..im not quiet sure..but i guess we are cool..? w/e..but i should just keep my mouth shut for now on because it hasnt helped me at all these last two weeks..and now im in a very emo mood...and blah w/e..im done talking...rawr
-Just Ash-

blah

2004-09-17T00:48:57Z

well i am in a very confuessed state..ilike someone but my friend liked him first..i still like this one guy but nothing will ever happen again...and some poeple just gte on my nerves...i dont know i just get annoyed and frustrated and feel unwanted around these people..but only sometimes w/e fuckit!!! im going solo..a lone wolf..lol..yeah right!!
-ash-

AHH

2004-09-13T02:56:21Z

well i lost a best friend today,, but it was for the best..u can only warn someone so many times that the next time u do this i wont be there...well she didnt and im not there..im not even a friend..its good tho...she brings this upon herself..and she wonders y no one likes..hmm thats a good thought...think about it alex!!!! but anywho..alana im sooo sorry gregory is leaving!! i love him!!! i love u to!!1 hehe..we will hang this weekend alana...i love u!!! tell greg that i wish him luck!!! but bad day...hate my fmaily well some..the are dicks!!!
-ash-

AHHH!!

2004-09-09T04:55:23Z

ok dont ever tell me what to do again..im never telling people how i feel again..it just fucks up a relationship..and a great friendship!!!what the fuck am i doing...BANG!

hey!!!

2004-09-04T05:17:19Z

well i am going to update now...for myself..lol..to express myself..right erinn..hehe..well my sister came in town today..GREAT!! ya this means i cant to anywhere this hwole thre day weekend gay!! i know i havet seen her in 3 weeks w/e..thats my fucking weekend...ahh w/e ..i am doing nothing right now!! im kinda bored..but i need to get over him!! someone help me!!!

hey

2004-09-03T06:20:06Z

havent updated in awhile..but there isnt much to say...i like someone i shouldnt be liking...but it might justbe a crush...but there is always HIM, i cant getover HIM..i dont know y i thought i did...but i really didnt...its horrible ...but i dont knwo what to do...im confuessed..but ni guess live life as it goes...be ready for anything...but ya..i dunno...im lost..and like im not goingto update anymore...honestly wahst the point no one reads it..i wouldnt want to either o well...haha...gay!!!

GRRREAAATTTT!!!

2004-08-31T08:14:15Z

this summer has been in creadable...i have gotten close to someone that i never thought i would ever talk to?!! ALANA!!! i htoguht we wwere like total oppisites..but we turned out to be alot alike...we both love to laugh and i love making her laugh...we both get to hyper and dont know when to stop bein hyper..and she is the goofiest person i have ever met!!! i love alana...she is the best!! well anywho..enough bout her..lol.jk!!!! lol..oo ya and alana have 20 million memories that even when we are on our deat hbed will make us laugh..hehe...watch " alana come back here honey" alana did u laugh..el oh el??? well my summer has been great...this is a summer i will never forget EVER!!! i got close to all the polo girls and some of the boys!! i learned how to open up to people...i know soemtimes i cant be a lil crazy and hyper but i wasnt affraid to be like that this summer..i showed my true colors..but i also had alot of first..first time in hawaii first time staying out past 12 almost every night first time i have had a long relationship first love and first time i ..well thats not needed..but this summer ahh i will never forget!!i have accomplished soo much!!! and i want to say i love u to all!!! evenif u dont read my lj lol..jk!

long time

2004-08-30T07:41:10Z

well i havent really written in my LJ cuz no one really ever comments so i figure if i just dont post i wont feel like i have no friends..but any who i do cuz my face is all over alanas lj...hahah when we were at nicoles remeber..ya u do!..lol and alana is the fucking coolest person ever i love that girl!! i can always count on her..and i dont like talking bout my love life..i will just say being someones friends is more then i could ask for!!!love u all!!